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Feelings and How To Destroy Them

by Our First Brains

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Additional Vocals on Colder Now- Katie Ofenstein

Recorded during the holiday months of 2012 at The Portland Cement Co.
Mixed and Mastered by Caleb Misclevitz
Design and Layout by Caleb Misclevtiz

All music and lyrics written by Our First Brains


released January 2, 2013

Ben- Vocals and Bass
Caleb- Guitar and Vocals
Derek Guitar and Vocals
Sonia- Drums



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Our First Brains Portland, Oregon

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Track Name: Colder Now
I moved in like a cancer slowly but surely should've caught it early. Just one night that's what you said before a year spent in your bed. Danger lies in the worst lie, maybe it'll go away if we give it time, or tell ourselves we're fine. Until the doctor comes in dressed in the form of a friend and says there's good news and bad news the choices are slim, I mean to which you prefer your life or your favorite limb I think you're going to be fine we've got to amputate him. Sideways I sleep facing the same way spooning your ghost talking alone from the opposite side of the river in a separate home I wait for the phone, I shiver alone. Residual cuddles we ironed them out and then you went to her bedroom I slept on the couch and when I woke in the morning I crept up the stairs you know I wanted to whisper this all in your ear that i still really like you, it's colder alone and how it's mildly awkward when we hang up the phone without saying love you or see you tomorrow we just trail off into small talk and argue so instead I resolve to kiss your sleeping forehead and commit to a brand new year spent in my bed sideways I sleep facing the same way spooning your ghost talking alone from the opposite side of the river in a separate house I shiver, it's colder now.
Track Name: KYHYP
I’m a slut I have no shame I have cigarettes, to outlet my feelings, I’m seething, I’m breathing through straws and I’m staining my lungs just like asthma, you’re stealing my breath. You don’t know it, you have no idea I exist and I’m tortured. I’m doomed just to be with you inside my dreams so I sleep all the time, so I can see you again. I'm weak you said.
Track Name: Beach Boy
You are my beach boy my number one so much fun summer of love. Or so it was I thought but it's not your red hands they were caught. I saw you with him on the shore; you said it didn't mean anything to you, not from my point of view. You want a second chance but I want you gone put your pants back on. You follow me just like a dog, and stick to me like the ugliest leech I’ve ever seen you with him out on the shore fuck you! I don't want to see you anymore. I brought my guard down just for you but as it turns out in the end I will never fall in love again. I brought down mountains just for you but as it turns out in the end I will never fall in love again.
Track Name: Ice Cream
I’m distracted, destroyed from being your new toy. I’m an object of your sickness and you’re always left annoyed. All I want is formal clarity so you second guess and doubt all of my hesitated pet names for your sought out rational. Smirking from sinews of a tiny jaw and vicious lips to kiss, you’re familiar and jealous of this misread lovers spit and we share abandoned friends that we burned bridges from these vague terms of endearment because we never travel near them. Be my Achilles and I’ll be your irony locked up on top of your bookshelf for your private eyes to see. I’m a creep; and I die of this coughing on repeat. You’re a queen.
Track Name: The Death Of Everyone Except Myself
Of all your maps and posters, that have hung on your wall, they lead straight to your driveway, your front lawn, this front door is always unlocked. So much for your matches, so much for your mattress. I don’t need your first aid, your first name in writing, I don’t have a clue. I’ve seen you around here, denim for your daggers, your hands in your pockets, I’m talking about it, you don’t have a clue.
Track Name: Disruptor
I’m so afraid of what I could just do to your face, if I say what I’m wanting to say, so I bottle it up so I do not disrupt how I’m feeling when I fall asleep. I’m afraid of the words in my journal I’ll trade, how my brain doesn’t work normally, for a book and pen to remember a day when my brain was okay, but frankly I know that I’m never going to be okay. My hopes are that you stare into the sun and you’ll be blind to everyone.
Track Name: I Know What You Did Last 4th Of July
I remember it like it was just yesterday. The stupid things I did, the dumber things I'd say. I can't believe I'd let myself get so low.I guess it's no surprise with how well I know. Me and what I have let myself become. What everyone I know expects and then some. My goal was just to be second to none But with one night I'm back to square one.Is this all I'll ever amount to in life. Repeating my mistakes in attempt to suffice. Too young to realize that I do know better. Too dumb to learn from all of my mis-adventures. Feelings get bottled like men in strait jackets It all pours out after a 40 in hand It all goes down to my gut, and unleashes my mouth. Where secrets so deep jump out and go south. The next thing I know, my face is buried in my hands. My tears soaking up my bangs from strand to strand. That day I just wanted my heart to stop. To get out from the bottom and come out on but my heart; it just wouldn't stop. That night I drank I had the worst of intentions, I hated myself and all of my decisions. I punched the ground just so my knuckles would bleed, but it hurt so damn much I just couldn't succeed. It made me sick the way I felt just like her, I drank to oblivion as if it was the cure. I realize now I control my own fate, I'm working so my mind finds a better state.
Track Name: How To Destroy Them
I think the living should be given funerals before they're dead. To see who'd show and whether certain people really love you back. Might make the suicides think twice about their second guesses to see the cool kids' faces, realizing they're not so fucking precious we're learning our feelings and how to destroy them by wringing our pillows out into the ocean the shivering quits quicker the colder it gets, you will die feeling warmer, than ever before her I think you're grandparents are an inspiration to everyone in love I overheard them say they just got back from visiting their graves how beautiful and blue, I want to do that with you a kiss on her hairline both hands on her shoulders a promise to come back sometime when we're older we climb in my casket to wait for the morning and talk about feelings, and how to destroy them.